To you, the one who's afraid to love again this valentines.

So you got your heart broke right? The pain you felt was unlike any other? Did you question your worth? You used up your heartbreak free card pass and now it hurts. Pain is inescapable. That pain is definitely something to be scared of. The feeling you used to yearn for is now what you hate. 

At first, you think you're protecting yourself and you feel liberated. You put up walls and swear to never let someone break you like that again. You think putting up these boundaries between yourself and others is the key. AHA that's it you've smashed it. You found the secret to living a happy, pain-free life. Then slowly the emptiness seeps in. You notice that you're head and your heart are no longer working together. They no longer have the same goal. Your head is still in primal protection mode and your heart, your precious heart that has so much love to give yearns to share it with another. 

The thing about feelings you see is, is that if you cut out one emotion it will be very difficult to feel anything. If you try cutting out pain and fear, happiness and hope and will still evade you. Every single emotion is interlinked. We were all made to feel, to love.  You see fear is a bad mentor. You feel as if it's protecting you when actually it's keeping you from great opportunities and experiences. 

Becoming vulnerable. This is one reason why many people fear falling in love. To become vulnerable and for someone to see you exactly, just as you are. No mask, to share your dreams and inner thoughts with. To become vulnerable to someone you share nothing more than a feeling for is terrifying. But for them to be able to love you deeply it is very necessary.

Please don't be scared to love again. Associate pain with the person, not the feeling. Do not deprive yourself of it, for love is just a primal instinct. An emotion just as basic and at the same time as complex as fear.  Allow yourself to be loved. Not just by you, but by people who deserve to have you in there life. Surround yourself with those who accept and love you just as you are and don't expect anything less or more than yourself. 

Right now it feels like you'll never find anyone, That person to share every mundane detail of life with. Believe me, you will. Don't go searching for it. Just live, love and at the right time, the universe will give you what you need. You might get your heart broke again but that's ok and life will have taught you another lesson. One that you needed.

All those nights crying will have been worth it, those moments of self-doubt and hatred for heart eyed couples. One day, sometime. You'll find someone. It may only last for a short while or for a lifetime. But it'll make you question why you were ever afraid to love in the first place.

Thanks for reading, Stay safe.

Lots of love, Amy x

Nobodys perfect...But I am.

You're reading the title of this post thinking.. WOW this girl is arrogant. Give me a chance. Listen. Hopefully you'll understand.

In todays society everybody is so strung up on fitting in. Looking like one other, having perfectly sculpted bodies, newest gadgets and following the new fashion trends. But why? Why do people have such desire to look like one another and need such materialistic things. I'll tell you why, its classed as perfect. The perfect figure, The perfect life, The perfect reputation. The overall ideal look. But its bullshit. Why should we all look the same, there is absolutely no point in it. We might as well all have the same name, the same job. Shouldn't we? Why do you need the newest phone if your phone, which is last years model is perfectly fine? Why do you need them £100 trainers? I'm assuming you don't need them at all. You just want them. You want this because ultimately its classed as perfect. But you will strive after everything. Every trend, every new piece of tech and you will still not feel perfect. It's like your in a trap.  If you just stopped and listened to yourself instead of everybody else maybe just maybe you would feel enough without having to adapt this ideal look.

Have you ever heard the saying ' Nobody's perfect because there will always be somebody better than you' That's wrong. Its a lie. If you are being the best version of yourself, If your just being you then there is nobody better or remotely as perfect as you. After all there's only one of you.

See I'm not one for fitting in. I never have been. I was born different I'm pretty sure I was. I have no desire to be like anyone else. I'm me and that's all I was ever meant to be. I'm here to write. To love. To care. To just be myself. To educate others. To just make a difference in the little time I will here on earth. But I know one thing. I'm perfect. You know why? Because I am the only one of me. There is not any body is the world that is exactly the same as me. Nobody has the same exact DNA. The same appearance, The same voice. Yes the might have some same views and ideas. But I'm the only me there is and if there's no other ME's to compare it to. I must be perfect.

I'm perfect because I accept myself for who I am and was meant to be.
I'm perfect even when I leave the tiny little bit of tea at the end of a cuppa.
I'm perfect even when I eat to quickly and always get the hiccups.
I'm perfect when I cry at a soppy movie.
I'm perfect even when I'm sarcastic.
I'm perfect when I am incapable of eating like an adult and spill everything down myself (toothpaste included)
I'm perfect when I'm angry and swear.
I'm perfect when I take to long to get ready.
I'm perfect because I am NEVER late.
I'm perfect even though I have some strange quirks.

I'm perfect ok.
And so are you.

( Oh and by the way. If they say your not, don't listen. )

 Thanks for reading. Stay safe.

Love Amy x

An open letter to my 15 year old self

Dear 15 year old me.

Right now everything is very overwhelming. You're just starting to figure out who you are and what you want from life. I don't want to lie to you things get difficult. You'll get your heart broken several times, you'll become depressed, struggle with your own body image, your parents will split and it'll shatter everything you've ever known. You'll grow up quickly.  You'll cry yourself to sleep wondering why you're not like those other girls.

Oh it does get better though. You'll meet amazing people, you'll find at job that changes you forever, you'll find your strength and sweet heart you'll realise your worth.

Heres some advice: dont ever feel like you have to change yourself for a boy. You ARE pretty even though you dont feel it right now. Be kind to yourself. Get out in nature more you'll realise how important it really is. Don't let people bring you down. Your nanna will get her diagnosis soon and it'll break your heart knowing what will come in the end. Shes doing great now by the way, fiesty and amazing as ever. Be there for dad he needs you too. He doesn't say it but he loves you.

Be bold honey, take risks. Be yourself. Your kind, generous but don't let people take advantage of that. Do something that makes you feel alive. Don't make excuses, take every chance and make the most of it. Lifes to short and you'll soon find a peace within yourself you never knew was there.

Lots of love, your future self.

PS. Go easy on the makeup and wear sunscreen.