Dementia.. My nannas companion. An Insight.

Dementia we've all heard of it right? According to the Alzermerizers society they are currently 850,000 people in the UK living with dementia. That is set to rise to over 1 million by 2025. But yet we are still no closer to finding a cure. I really do wish we was though.

My family has been affected directly due to dementia. My lovely 66 year old grandma ( nanna as I like to call her) who's heart is filled with love and eyes full of hope was diagnosed with vascular dementia 5 years ago. Also with previous experience working in community care and currently working as a care assistant dementia is a huge part of my daily life.

I first started noticing slight changes in my nannas memory around 5 years ago. At first we put this down to getting older. But as the signs became more apparent we knew there was something not quite right. On a trip to the welsh town of Barmouth for a family christening my nanna and I were stopping in a static caravan. It was lovely little thing, old fashioned but spacious and very inviting. We were putting away the weekends food shop and my nanna was admanent we'd forgot to buy bread ( Jam on toast always been a staple breakfast of mine) We hadn't in fact forgotten to buy bread my nanna bless her had already popped it away in the cupboard. This replayed a couple of times and I could see the frustration in my nannas eyes and decided to leave it at. Later on this trip I went swimming with my nanna for this first time. It was a momentous occasion for the both of us. After the lovely swim we was walking back to the caravan and my nanna realised she hadn't got her purse and didn't recall where she last had it. I remember seeing her putting in her locker at the swimming pool on the site we were staying. So me like the mad girl I am, I ran. I ran back begged the employees to let me go check just to see if it was there and as I assumed it was. ( Thank god it was) On returning to my nanna, purse in hand and very sweaty after my impromptu run. My nanna didn't know why I had gone and was adamant the purse was in her bag. These little occurrences although some may seem to think are very small were where I first suspected that something was wrong.

On returning home I mentioned these occurrences to my mum. Who later mentioned it to Gordon. ( My nannas devoted partner and soulmate)

I asked my nanna and Gordon a few questions to get their look on what its like to live with dementia on the daily?

What is the hardest thing about living with dementia?
Not remembering birthdays, appointment's and special occasions.  Also forgetting how to do things I love. I have knitted since I was a little girl aged 10. I now no longer can knit as I cant follow a pattern and that is hard to deal with.

How did you feel when you was diagnosed?

Terrible. 'oh no got dementia' 

Is there benefits of living with dementia?

I forget things that upset me and don't dwell on them like others would if they didn't have dementia.
Forgetting people I don't like. ( Hehe)

How do you feel about the future ?

Worried. Worried about losing memories and what I'll forget. I know I'll get taken care off its not that, that worries me.

Advice for someone newly diagnosed with dementia? 

Make a memeroy book / box 

Gordons perspective  -
How did you feel when nanna  was diagnosed?

Accepted it, and showing signs for ages so sort of already knew.

Hardest part about living with it from a partners perspective?

Frustration, constantly reminding and answsering that same question. 

Benefits of dementia?

None

Advice for partner or loved one of someone with dementia?

Have patience. 

How do you feel about future from a loved ones perspective?

Try not to think about it, cant dwell on what might or might not happen.

I hope this post has raised awareness on dementia and what it is like to live with on the daily. If you would like to find out some more information on dementia the Alzheimer's Society has lots of information here - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

Thankyou for reading. Stay safe.

Love Amy x 

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To you, the one who's afraid to love again this valentines.

So you got your heart broke right? The pain you felt was unlike any other? Did you question your worth? You used up your heartbreak free card pass and now it hurts. Pain is inescapable. That pain is definitely something to be scared of. The feeling you used to yearn for is now what you hate. 

At first, you think you're protecting yourself and you feel liberated. You put up walls and swear to never let someone break you like that again. You think putting up these boundaries between yourself and others is the key. AHA that's it you've smashed it. You found the secret to living a happy, pain-free life. Then slowly the emptiness seeps in. You notice that you're head and your heart are no longer working together. They no longer have the same goal. Your head is still in primal protection mode and your heart, your precious heart that has so much love to give yearns to share it with another. 

The thing about feelings you see is, is that if you cut out one emotion it will be very difficult to feel anything. If you try cutting out pain and fear, happiness and hope and will still evade you. Every single emotion is interlinked. We were all made to feel, to love.  You see fear is a bad mentor. You feel as if it's protecting you when actually it's keeping you from great opportunities and experiences. 

Becoming vulnerable. This is one reason why many people fear falling in love. To become vulnerable and for someone to see you exactly, just as you are. No mask, to share your dreams and inner thoughts with. To become vulnerable to someone you share nothing more than a feeling for is terrifying. But for them to be able to love you deeply it is very necessary.

Please don't be scared to love again. Associate pain with the person, not the feeling. Do not deprive yourself of it, for love is just a primal instinct. An emotion just as basic and at the same time as complex as fear.  Allow yourself to be loved. Not just by you, but by people who deserve to have you in there life. Surround yourself with those who accept and love you just as you are and don't expect anything less or more than yourself. 

Right now it feels like you'll never find anyone, That person to share every mundane detail of life with. Believe me, you will. Don't go searching for it. Just live, love and at the right time, the universe will give you what you need. You might get your heart broke again but that's ok and life will have taught you another lesson. One that you needed.

All those nights crying will have been worth it, those moments of self-doubt and hatred for heart eyed couples. One day, sometime. You'll find someone. It may only last for a short while or for a lifetime. But it'll make you question why you were ever afraid to love in the first place.

Thanks for reading, Stay safe.

Lots of love, Amy x

Nobodys perfect...But I am.

You're reading the title of this post thinking.. WOW this girl is arrogant. Give me a chance. Listen. Hopefully you'll understand.

In todays society everybody is so strung up on fitting in. Looking like one other, having perfectly sculpted bodies, newest gadgets and following the new fashion trends. But why? Why do people have such desire to look like one another and need such materialistic things. I'll tell you why, its classed as perfect. The perfect figure, The perfect life, The perfect reputation. The overall ideal look. But its bullshit. Why should we all look the same, there is absolutely no point in it. We might as well all have the same name, the same job. Shouldn't we? Why do you need the newest phone if your phone, which is last years model is perfectly fine? Why do you need them £100 trainers? I'm assuming you don't need them at all. You just want them. You want this because ultimately its classed as perfect. But you will strive after everything. Every trend, every new piece of tech and you will still not feel perfect. It's like your in a trap.  If you just stopped and listened to yourself instead of everybody else maybe just maybe you would feel enough without having to adapt this ideal look.

Have you ever heard the saying ' Nobody's perfect because there will always be somebody better than you' That's wrong. Its a lie. If you are being the best version of yourself, If your just being you then there is nobody better or remotely as perfect as you. After all there's only one of you.

See I'm not one for fitting in. I never have been. I was born different I'm pretty sure I was. I have no desire to be like anyone else. I'm me and that's all I was ever meant to be. I'm here to write. To love. To care. To just be myself. To educate others. To just make a difference in the little time I will here on earth. But I know one thing. I'm perfect. You know why? Because I am the only one of me. There is not any body is the world that is exactly the same as me. Nobody has the same exact DNA. The same appearance, The same voice. Yes the might have some same views and ideas. But I'm the only me there is and if there's no other ME's to compare it to. I must be perfect.

I'm perfect because I accept myself for who I am and was meant to be.
I'm perfect even when I leave the tiny little bit of tea at the end of a cuppa.
I'm perfect even when I eat to quickly and always get the hiccups.
I'm perfect when I cry at a soppy movie.
I'm perfect even when I'm sarcastic.
I'm perfect when I am incapable of eating like an adult and spill everything down myself (toothpaste included)
I'm perfect when I'm angry and swear.
I'm perfect when I take to long to get ready.
I'm perfect because I am NEVER late.
I'm perfect even though I have some strange quirks.

I'm perfect ok.
And so are you.

( Oh and by the way. If they say your not, don't listen. )

 Thanks for reading. Stay safe.

Love Amy x

An open letter to my 15 year old self

Dear 15 year old me.

Right now everything is very overwhelming. You're just starting to figure out who you are and what you want from life. I don't want to lie to you things get difficult. You'll get your heart broken several times, you'll become depressed, struggle with your own body image, your parents will split and it'll shatter everything you've ever known. You'll grow up quickly.  You'll cry yourself to sleep wondering why you're not like those other girls.

Oh it does get better though. You'll meet amazing people, you'll find at job that changes you forever, you'll find your strength and sweet heart you'll realise your worth.

Heres some advice: dont ever feel like you have to change yourself for a boy. You ARE pretty even though you dont feel it right now. Be kind to yourself. Get out in nature more you'll realise how important it really is. Don't let people bring you down. Your nanna will get her diagnosis soon and it'll break your heart knowing what will come in the end. Shes doing great now by the way, fiesty and amazing as ever. Be there for dad he needs you too. He doesn't say it but he loves you.

Be bold honey, take risks. Be yourself. Your kind, generous but don't let people take advantage of that. Do something that makes you feel alive. Don't make excuses, take every chance and make the most of it. Lifes to short and you'll soon find a peace within yourself you never knew was there.

Lots of love, your future self.

PS. Go easy on the makeup and wear sunscreen.

Self Care Sunday

Its so easy to get stuck in the 9-5 demands of life. Trying to socialise, spend time with family whilst also trying to accomplish goals, meet deadlines and find time for fun. There is literally no time in-between to focus on and take care of yourself, whether that be physically or mentally. 

Last year I was in such a negative place. Run of my feet with work, constantly busy and using all my spare time to help out loved ones. My only time for me was eating, sleeping and showering. I was burnt out, miserable and just not in a good place. I felt lost. This is where I came to the realisation that I had to be selfish. I had to be okay with putting myself first and this did not come easy to me.  

Where to start? I had to start taking care of myself. I don't mean eating my 5 fruit and vegetables and drinking eight glasses of water . I mean really take care of myself. Take care of my body, my mind and ultimately my soul.  

The first thing I started to do was take things slower. On my usual walk to work I would slow down. Put my phone away and just take in my surroundings. I would notice everything around me, the bare trees, frost, litter on the floor, people passing. It was difficult at first, but being more present enabled me to feel more connected with myself and the world. 

Secondly I started accepting ( by this I mean just be ok with what's happening, stop pushing and stop planning every small detail of my life) Before I started shall I say this self care journey? I was a planner. I would like every minute of my day planned and If it didn't go to plan I would be frustrated. I wanted it my way. I started slowly letting go of my routine and just let things be. I stopped rushing at full speed and just accepted what was happening. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that comforted me. Now I just roll with it, What happens, happens. 

Another thing that helped me was doing something every week that scared me or was out my comfort zone. Life's to short to make excuses of why your not doing this or to worried to do that. Apply for a new job, sing along to music in shopping centres, reach out to somebody, wear the dress everyone but yourself finds ugly. Stop saying your not ready. What's the worse than can happen? You'll look silly, or be rejected. Who cares life is to short and in the end will it really matter. I'm absolutely terrified but one day I will go skydiving and it will feel amazing and horrifying at the same time.

Other self care tips for your body

• Eat healthily - Like I mentioned earlier. Eat your vegetables, drink water. I'm a creature of habit and like to pick 2/3 meal ideas for the week and rotate them eating the same breakfast and lunch most days. I enjoy this it takes the stress away from planning meal after meal and I have more time to enjoy what I do best. 

• DANCE - When everything gets to overwhelming I like to put my headphones on turn the music up real loud and dance like nobody's watching. Yes really. 

• Meditate - This is literally life changing. I started doing this about a 7 months ago and I will never stop. Taking 20 minutes in a morning and before I go to bed to clear my mind and just be calm really has improved my mental health and wellbeing. 

Self care tips for your mind 

• Challenge your negativity - Take time out of your day to write down any negative thoughts, doubts or worries. Combat this with what you know is true. Just writing it down and getting it out on paper can really help with letting them negative emotions go. Keep a journal.

• Have a self date - Spend some time alone doing something you enjoy. Go see a movie alone, go to a coffee shop and have a hot chocolate, take a book and emerse yourself into it entirely ( my personal fave) 

• Don't restrict yourself due to others - Take what others say as advice not commands. If doing something makes you feel bad your not obligated to do it. You're the only one in control of your body and mind.

The ultimate goal of self care is to maintain good physical and mental health. In doing so we will we have more meaningful relationships with others around us and feel more content with life itself. You will find pleasure in small things and nothing will seem near as difficult as before.  By incorporating some of these self care technique's into your life you are guaranteed to see a difference.

Thank you for reading, Stay Safe.

Love Amy x

Get to know me.

Hello there you lovely people. This is just an introductory post to my new blog Life Unfiltered. Basically just a blog about the raw unfiltered parts of my underwhelming life.

I thought I'd start of my first post by doing the 21 questions tag. So you can get to know me better.

1. Are you named after anyone? Yes. Not anyone. A gorilla. You heard me right a gorilla. My mum was watching the film congo when the cute ass gorilla named Amy came on and I did a big ol kick.

2. When was the last time you cried? Tonight, after the most awful evening.

3. Do you have kids? No but I would like them in the future.

4. If you could be another person would you? No, I would be me. That's all I was ever meant to be.

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, I never ever do. ( every single day)

6. Will you ever bungee jump? Yes one day. If I can find a badass friend to do it with me.

7. What's your favourite cereal? Cookie crisp duh.

8. What's the first thing you notice about somebody? Eyes.

9. What's your eye colour? Sea blue.

10. Scary movie or happy endings? Can I say both.. Happy endings make me cry but I love the thrill of scary movies.

11. Favourite smells? Fresh washed clothes, Flowers, Snow Fairy by LUSH.

12. Summer or winter? Winter. Winter every time.

13. Computer or television? Computer. Typical Millennial.

14. Do you have any special talents? Not really.

15. What's the furthest you've been from home? Dominican Republic.

16. Where was you born? A little town in Derbyshire.

17.  What are your hobbies? What is this a job interview.. I love reading, going to the gym.

18. Do you have any pets? 2 Staffies called Millie and Nugget and they are my absolute world.

19. Favourite movie? Armageddon, Underworld, Me before you, Shawshank Redemption.

20. Do you have any siblings? Yes. A younger sister and brother. 2 Older half sisters, and 1 Older half brother.

21. What do you want to be when your older? Happy. Whatever I'm doing in my personal life or in regards to my regards to my career does not matter. Happy will always be the best thing to be.

Thanks for reading. Hope you stop by soon. Stay Safe, Love Amy x